Alli in Africa

As you know, I have a new puppy that is prone to misbehavior. I have been told that there are a number of ways to train a puppy. I have tried all that have been suggested and these are my findings.

First, there is the “water treatment” method.It is as follows: When the puppy misbehaves, you are to spray or splash water at them, preferably in the face. Maddy tends to just stare at you for a moment as if you have lost your mind and then resume the misbehavior with renewed vigor.

Next, you have the “rocks in a can” method. The object is to shake it loudly at the offending dog in an attempt to scare them out of misbehaving. Maddy has taken this as a game. He will start to bounce on his front paws, barking excitedly and then, after the fun is over (owner becomes exasperated and stops), he returns to the misbehavior.

The third method is the “pop with a rolled magazine” one (A book will work in a pinch). This is where you walk around with a rolled magazine in your back pocket and whip it out with a quickness at the dog when you see he is being naughty. You then precede to dive a light “warning pop” on the butt and if the dog does not stop his offensive behavior, you then administer a more firm “I mean it” whack to the rear. Maddy has only responded to this method by launching a counter attack on both the magazine and arm holding the magazine as well as any other body parts if the mood suits him. I have found this method does nothing but teach him to harbor a sincere hatred of all things written.

The final method is th e”chain you up” one. The scenario: The dog misbehaves and you pick them up and chain then to “teach them a lesson” while repeating No_______ (insert offense here). I have found that the problem with this is the dog does not understand English and the only thing accomplished is a severe headache ofter enduring what you deem is a “good amount of time” of whining, howling, yelping, etc.

So, this owner has resigned herself to having a dog who sits on the couches with her and owning chewed arms and shoes. If you have any suggestions, ALL ARE WELCOME.

So we have hit what everyone considers the “true dry season” and you want to talk about dry. I have only been outside walking for at the most an hour and yet I am covered in this reddish dust that just does not come off…I am turning into an African!Or at least the color of one…if this keeps up they won’t be able to honestly call me a whiteman anymore! The dust is so bad it literally gets everywhere…hair, nose, mouth (imagine sand crunching between your teeth), eyes, shoes….the list goes on and on.

Even the dog and cat are suffering from the dust. In fact, the dustier it gets…the more they seem to act up. Although, I must say that I think the cat is picking up some bad habits from the dog. If you didn’t know, I am still working on the “no bite” lesson with Maddy (the dog), much to his chagrin because a lot of whacking with a book or magazine is entailed. Well, last night Meinu (the cat) decided that because he did not agree with the amount of time it was taking to cook his eggs, he would just take a bite out of my ankle. (Yes, he gets eggs because cat food is very hard to find here). Needless to say, there were eggs on the ceiling and floor and I was not at all amused. Just the daily antics of what is quickly becoming “Alli’s Farmhouse”. We have now gained a dog, a cat, one goat (which is soon destined for someones table), 4 pigs, and a boatload of chickens will be arriving shortly. Yes, most definitely “Alli’s Farmhouse”.

I am also under the impression that the dustier it gets here, the more the children act up as well. In fact, I had a wonderful encounter with 3 pickins yesterday. I went to the little shop that I go to everyday to buy any number of things but this morning instead of any adult, there were 3 children running the store. I ordered my usual bread and they began laughing and joking on me in the dialect (thinking that I am so stupid as to not understand). Well, after receiving my food and change as well as calming the suppressed anger I have towards all children in my village, I calmly let them know that it was not nice to laugh at people no matter how different from them they are. Well, as children always do, they acted like they didn’t understand. So, I again let them know that it was rude….well, let’s just say that if they had come close enough to the counter I would have popped all three before they knew what happened. (Yes, it is legal and expected to get smacked if you are deranging…and I would be quite happy to oblige). But luckily for them, I got another handle on my temper and let it slide….which is becoming a little bit easier to do day by day….although I would still love to smack all the children who sing the “whiteman song” to me daily.